Love teaches me strange things [Part Two]

I went out with him with Cekyam and Trex.

I actually had spent few private moment with him too.

Don't get me wrong, I drove him to town.

We spent time talking and fighting.

I always love the fighting part. :)

He asked me to do his laundry.

He touched my head like I am a little kid.

He held my hand tight.

He even kissed the back of my hand.

He laid his head on my shoulder for he was

exhausted due to all-day-long games.

All I can do is,

be there.

I know he's waiting for someone,

it makes me feel uneasy about it.

Mind you, Alhamdulillah, when he is around,

or when we were alone together,

I didn't feel awkward anymore.

My heart doesn't beat fast anymore.

But I think I still care.

And my most-happiest smile is still because of him.

I still want everything is well-prepared for him.

Well, it's just my nature.

It's not just him. If anyone is coming over to my place,

I'll try to accommodate as good as I can.

I just wish we can introduce ourselves again,

this time around as friends,

no more no less.

ps: Last night, Cekyam, Trex and I went to karaoke.

Trex sang 'All Coming Back to Me' by Celine Dion. #dang!

A phone call

My phone rang when I was deep in sleep.

Without looking at the screen, I picked up the call,

thinking nobody else would be on the other line except

my darling mom. But...

H: Oi, apasal tak wish orang ha?

Me: *looking at the screen and swearing who the hell

is on the line*

Found out it was him.

And I answered...

Me: Oh, nantilah... wish dengan hadiah skali nanti.

Bagi alamat rumah lah ea?

H: Takyah lah, orang nak datang Segamat. Ada Karisma.

Boleh lah bawak orang jalan2 Segamat.

(Karisma is a sports event)

Me: *silent*

I laughed when I heard about him coming here.

It was few months ago when I saw the poster, got excited and

a thought came to my mind.

"H must be joining this. I'm going to see him! Tapi alamak,

it's on November lah. I won't be here anymore. Too bad."

The thought faded away within seconds.

Surprisingly, it is happening. I noticed one thing,

I didn't get excited anymore when he told me about it.

Probably because I'm no longer interested or

because I just woke up from sleep.

Then I realized, I am feeling excited because

I ask myself to think about it.

In conclusion,

I am definitely confused.

ps: Too bad I didn't feel 'blooming' inside when he said

he is coming over. You know, the feeling which makes you feel

so beautiful, feeling which makes your world turns colorful.

I used to have that feeling.

Tomorrow.

Course: Let Go 101

#1 Forget his birth date. Forget he was born.

Allah, I depend solely on You.

ps: Pray to have strong heart not stubborn heart ;)

I'm no loyal anymore!

Did I tell you about my non-rusty heart?

I think I was wrong.

Now, I don't miss him.

But somehow, he'll appear in my dreams or thought.

I think I have a serious mental problem.

Or is this just the 'post-effect' of loneliness?

I mean, I have no boyfriend for almost two years by now.

Am I longing for that feeling and unfortunately he is the one that I

thought perfect for me.

Oh ya, I have new demand for my so-called 'future-man-that-can-ompliment-me'.

He should have the ability to speak English,

fluently. Not because I can speak English,

but because I want English-speaking environment to bring up our kids.

*awwww, berfikiran jauh gitu!*

So, Mr Ying (I am the Yang),

take note please?

Trick O' Treat

For those who know me or close to me, you probably know that I am so difficult to have instant impression/judgement to anyone I just met. I do the same with everyone, regardless his/her relationship with me. You know why? It is because I am very concerned about the consequences. I know this particular person. This person has higher position than me in my workplace - obviously, I am only here for a month! Within this month, I observed that this person treated everyone equally until today. Actually, I wanted to apply a day off this Friday. As part-time full-time lecturer, we have been informed earlier that we have to apply at least three days before the date. So, here I am, applying 4 (four) days earlier than the date I wanted to apply. Then, this particular person called me and asked in high-pitch voice why I wanted to apply the day off.

Yes, I am pissed off too, if that particular person wants to know. I have my own reason to feel that way. Actually, before I submitted the application form, I asked one of my colleagues (new lecturer too). My colleague told me, 'that person is okay, that person told me it is okay if I send day-off application form a day before I want to leave'. There you go. Just because my colleague is the child of Director of this instituiton, this particular person treated my colleague differently. Yes, I know I am nobody's daughter. My parents are not some VIPs. But I tell you what, I am no your slave that you can shout at without concrete reasons.

I feel so broken inside, I am not making this up. Whatever it is, now I know, and I am really sure that I am not good in judging or having impression towards people.

I just wish someday, we will be free from double-standard mindset. But that sounds almost impossible. Therefore, the best way is I will be well-known someday, probably I will be some VIPs/Datin?datuk or whatever the title is. Perhaps, people will treat me equally then?

I teach ABC Part II

I entered class early, around 11.45am.
The class supposed to start at 12pm.
I'm informed that my students will come a little
late on Thursdays because they have to travel from
SL block to Kayangan block. It is far.

I prepared Katy Perry' Fireworks for today's class.
It was meant to spice up their day - after long-hour classes.
Unfortunately, I made their day worst than ever when

1) I asked them to share about a moment when they felt
like they are not worth living (you know, I want to relate
it with the song)
2) I told them Allah will always be around for us

Some of my students cried because...

Her mom said she is a troublesome kid.
The family never celebrated her birthday even once.
Their family problem.
Their late-family members.

The only thing that I can do was to give a warm hug,
wishing that my positive vibe and strength can be transferred
to them automatically. How I wish.

However, they made me feel so grateful for what God has
granted me throughout my life. I couldn't ask for more.

You see, when you feel like you are the dumbest, unluckiest,
ugliest or worst breathing creature on earth - YOU ARE TOTALLY WRONG.

Remember, everyone has own battle to fight.

We can be strong or weak - the choice is in your hand.

May Allah grant my students with good life hereafter.
Amin.

I'm a normal lady - again.

Mind me with my new entry, you can leave if you feel that this is inappropriate. :)

This time around I'd like to share about a woman 'thing'.

After few months, I finally got my menstrual circulation back!

And I feel normal, again!

I've been worrying about this but it is actually not weird because

I have experienced this situation before. So, girls out there! Do not freak

out if you have to face this kind of situation. But, if you are curious,

please refer to your gynaecologist (if I'm not mistaken).

Yet, once I got my 'womenness' back, there's a price to pay.

Yeah, I'm blessed with period pain - head to toe.

Head gets dizzy, backache, aching knees, stomach ache,

bla la la the list goes on.

Hopefully I can stand straight tomorrow.

I don't want to appear sick in class!

Kids, during this time don't mess with me.

*warning alarm ne no ne no*

Ya Allah, please grant me strength to face tomorrow.

ps; Tomorrow is my mommy's birthday and I'm not home :'(

I need strength to face it too.

Going through hell

Thesis: Write till I drop.

#nowplaying Tearin' Up My Heart by NSync

I don't care.

ps: coming up next My Thesis Date videoclip

Witch or bitch?

I went to the faculty library today.

And for the first time in my life, I wrote a blackmail to a guy.

Please note that black pen is my handwriting, his is blue.

I'll put this as the most embarrassing event in 2011.

To you, I'm dearly sorry for making you leave the place.

You shouldn't leave, slowing down the volume is more than enough.

And, thank you for the *work hard :)

Torn and worn out

One party wants to hire a lawyer to sue us,

while another wants to lodge a report at Bukit Aman Police Station,

and us,

we solely depend on You, Allah.

We don't have money,

we don't have power.

Ya Allah, please listen to our doa.

Caught right-handed!

I was caught by Macik Guard in front of my faculty gate;
for dressing this way!

Macik Guard: Why are you wearing these?
Me: ??? *confused and innocent face*
Macik Guard: You are obliged to cover your butts! You have to wear long shirts!
Me: Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't realize it!

Sincerely, I don't realize it for God sake! I was thinking,
I'm wearing a proper, formal attire. Fullstop.
Plus, I feel good in it. So, why not?

But then again, rules are rules.

ps: I think I was daydreaming before going to class this morning,
I thought I was a lecturer :p

Love teaches me strange things [Part One]

365 days after the breakup.

Delete from Facebook: Done ✔
Delete from Msn: Done ✔
Delete from cell phone: Done ✔
Delete from the Heart: Done ✔

ps: Love makes me sick, yet I still hope for it to sweep my feet.

Devils in me

Today is Thursday and according to my religion (Islam and I'm happy to be one) tonight is the most beautiful night. We are encouraged to cherish the night by reciting Surah Yassin after we perform Maghrib prayer. Alhamdulillah, I managed to recite the surah tonight.

BUT,
in so much struggle.
SO MUCH STRUGGLE!

I started yawning once I started reciting the first verse!
I barely can open my eyes while reciting it - I was so damn sleepy!
I slapped my face every now and then only to STAY AWAKE.
And after I finally finished reciting everything, I snored like a pig for nearly two hours!

The Devils really have done a great job here.

Dear Allah, please forgive me.

I wonder how they do Qiamulail. I respect them a lot.

ps: Let's be grateful that God doesn't really punish ungrateful devotees right away!

I shouldn't have ever looked at you

You showed me love, without words
You gave me your love, without words
You made me hold my breath waiting for you
But you ran away

Without a word, love leaves me
Without a word, love throws me away

Why does it hurt so much?
Why does it keep hurting?

Without a word, tears fall
Without a word, my heart breaks
Without a word, I wait for love
Without a word, love hurts me

Without a word, goodbyes find me
Without a word, goodbyes come to me
I couldn't even prepare to send you away

I think my heart was surprised

Without a word, it came
Without a word, it went
Without a word, it left

Like the previous fever
I'll just hurt for awhile
Since only scars will be left in the end

ps: May Allah help me with this

Peeking my Christmas sock! ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶

...............¨♥*✫♥,

.........,•✯´.........´*✫
.......♥*................ __/\__
.......*♥............… ..*-:¦:-*
..¸.•✫.............……/.•*•.\
...~`,`~.................. |
¸....✫................... *•*
´¸...*♥..´¸...........*♥♫♥*
´¸¸♥*................✯•♫•♥•*
´¸.•✫ .............. *♥•♫•♫♥*
~`,`~............. ✯♥•♦♫♥•♥*.
`.✫`.............. *♥☺♥•♥•☺♥*.
●/................✯♥•♥♠♫♥#♥•♥*..
/▌................*♥♫•♥♫•♥♫♥•♫♥*
/ \....................... ╬╬╬╬

Dearest Cikgu Chopstick,
these are your Christmas prezzies!

LOVELY!
I am specially 'honored' to receive these.

I have to work on a SERIOUS ACADEMIC research
for more or less four months from now.

*PLEASE PRAY I WILL SURVIVE THIS*


...and...

These are the real rewards!

❀◕‿◕❀
Can you see my glowing eyes?

Lost in November!

Oh, seriously!

November has been real crazy to me

Number 1.

Working in the book store has been tiring ever.

I'm tired of reading Malay dragging love novels! *puke*

I wish to work at MPH or Kinokuniya or Borders one day.

I love discounts on books

Number 2.

Babysitting two little monsters at home.

One gives me headache,

one makes my heart bloom so beautifully

Number 3.

It's my super busy mom and dad.

They rush in and out of the house,

influence me to feel restless just like they do!

I really wish to update this carpet as frequent as possible.

But at this time being, let me wear this hat;

ps: Happy 48th birthday ayah ! I love you endlessly, dunia akhirat