Hi awak :) I don't know if you need comfort ke apa at the moment.. But hopefully you read this first ;) cakap2 seorg kwn, tak pun cakap2 seorg yg tua :)

Making decision is never easy. I know. You have to remember, tak kira mana2 keputusan yg ambik, kita kena usaha lebih lepas buat keputusan tu. It is a start. :)

Tak kira isu future yg mana -- kerja, relationship, family -- semua sama, kena usaha.


So kalau nak buat apa2 keputusan, kena make sure kita nak usaha lebih lepas tu. Sebab biasa nya lepas buat keputusan, takde dah pilihan.


Pilih lah mana2 yg awak nak usaha lebih. Contohnya, alam MARITIM vs misc, antara dua tu mana yg lebih berat syg awk, mana yg awak sanggup usaha gila-gila. Sama macam love. Pilih org yg awk sanggup nak susah untuk dia. Bukan yang mana sanggup susah untuk awak.


Sebab at the end of the day, awak je yg boleh make it or break it.


Mana-mana pilihan pun, sure ada problems punya nanti.


So pilih yg awak kuat nak usaha kan.. ;)

I need a break.

I'm not a machine. Please. I've been working on weekends for two weeks in a row. I know, you're doing the same thing too. Yes, I'm a spoilt brat. I need ample rest. Anda-anda memang guru Sukan dan PJK, kilo tak seberat bahasa Inggeris. Pulak saya penyelaras PBS Form 1, I have to make sure everything is well-prepared. And I enjoy preparing lessons (which is my priority) more than anything regardless how crazy my kids made me.


I have no idea what is my role on field. Frustrated more than I can ever imagined.


I don't even have time to train my choral speaking team. :( Have mercy on me.

Terasa.

It has been nearly a month since he started sailing. I never knew that his second sailing would be harder to face. Perhaps I see too many friends happy with their respective lovers, face to face, dating, engaged, get married and have kids. Right-in-front-of-my-eyes relationship. This is something that I couldn't get. Kalau kahwin pun kena tinggal. Even if he is on leave (that one month on land), we couldn't see each other and spend time together like others. I seriously love spending time with him, doing nothing but eat talk eat talk. He is so funny that I couldn't take my eyes and ears off him. Teringin nak shopping mopping dengan Basit.


Why I feel like he's been away for months? He's on Facebook, I know. But both of us are trying to control ourselves not to contact each other, cehhh konon la kan? Padahal masing2 ada je usik2.. Teruk perangai...


Maybe I should suggest him to work on land? Nahhh, I love him to go to the sea. The ocean teaches him how to be a man, a useful man.

Aim.

Mecca al-mukarramah 2014. Wajib.

Bila rasa tak sure dengan segala benda yang dibuat. Feeling ni selalu datang. And I always ease it dengan fikir - money can save everything. Wrong. Konon tu cara paling cepat nak pujuk hati. Wrong every time. But when are you going to learn a lesson Fi?

The moment that I always look forward to

Kejut kan dia bangun pagi. Paling suka. Paling suka walaupun lalu telefon je. Sebab apa? Satu, sebab dia ada step nak bangun. The best part is - dia mesti akan tertidur balik around 5 minutes. He will sleep soundly. And I will listen to his snore. Sebab kedua, mesti lah sebab tak selalu dapat. Sebulan sekali je agaknya dapat kejut gini. Biasanya dia bangun sendiri. Kes-kes terpencil je dia suruh kejut. Ni macam last night dia kerja sampai 430 pagi. Pastu 9 pagi duty lagi. Pengsan.

Tradisi keluarga.

Sedar tradisi yang satu ni masa nak gi hantar Basit balik kerja haritu.

I actually texted his mom, mintak izin nak ambik dia kat Pahang and hantar pegi KL. guess what, Ma tak bagi. Jauh. Mula-mula rasa restless sebab first I'm not going alone, ada Apit ngan Angah, second he'll be going for months and no one will send him off? Weird.

Meanwhile Ibu kat rumah dah tanya. Awak tak pegi anta dia balik ke kak? Kesian dia kan nak gi Japan, bukan dekat2. Lama pulak tu.


See. Now I understand. I was restless bukan sebab Ma tak bagi, tapi sebab tak dapat hantar dia. Memang dari zaman MRSM dulu, naik bus tu rasa baru 3 kali agaknya.


Memang tradisi keluarga rupanya. Nak hantar nak ambik kalau pergi jauh. Takyah jauh, ni Apit dah dapat rumah baru kat Shah Alam pun Ibu nak hantar, tengok apa ada apa takde, tolong kemas.


Talked about our different families.

Petang tu terbang gi Melaka hantar Mawar, then terus gi KL, without him knowing it. Because I know he loves surprises, that kind of surprises.


Dah jumpa depan mata, dia cakap, "saya dah dapat baca, mesti awak datang punya".



Kalau saya tak datang malam ni? - saya tanya.



Basit cakap,"kalau awak tak datang tengok saya malam ni, saya ingat awak tak sayang saya".



Kasar dia, tetap suka perhatian dan sayang. Manja.

A year to remember.

Sebenarnya Basit did the confession on March 2012. Tapi seriously kami dua tak ingat exact date! Hehe. We are good, which means ada masa okay ngan tak okay. And I'm happy to remember every happiness and sadness. :)


Baru setahun. Harap dapat kenal lagi tiga atau empat tahun.

Syarat.

I asked Ibu if I can get married and make a real simple wedding. She said, he must give at least 8k. And he must stop sailing.

Honestly the second is the most difficult thing to be fulfilled. I actually do not intend to change him and his dreams. He is ambitious when he is on board. And I always love to encourage him, convince him that he'll achieve his aim one day.

And, Ibu wanted me to stop attending sporty events that require me to burn myself under the hot sun. 'Putih kan muka tu dulu, jangan pegi apa2 activities yang kena berjemur, baru boleh kawin'. I guess she didn't remember that she and ayah were the ones who insisted me to be a school teacher?

To be true, I've never felt so serious about marriage until I met Basit. Thank God, we don't really rush but we do talk about it sometimes. Since our relationship is based on trust, we both think that we want to strengthen that part first. It is the foundation.

Plus, I don't know how to explain to my parents. Especially about his job. I don't mind being left for 6 months. I know I'm gonna miss him but marriage doesn't suppose to stop what you are good at. I wish my parents (particularly my mom) would understand that their first daughter wants to grow old with a ship mechanic, not a teacher, a land engineer, an architect or etc.

Second sailing.

It was a good goodbye. We went for a date! A two-hour makan-makan session at KFC PJ.


I know he is serious with me, just that he is not 100% confident yet. I am in the same boat. And we both want to work on it.



I hope he is the one. Despite all of our flaws, Allah please strengthen our jodoh.

This is the first time I pray for my jodoh.

Second wave.

Masa terbang.
Masa kadang lambat, jalan seret kaki.
Tapi sebenarnya tu hati yang merasa.

Basit, thank you untuk masa yang terbuang untuk saya.

Memang takde pun contact 24/7 sepanjang sebulan dia cuti. Tapi ntah, berat hati nak lepas. Tu lah Nur Hafiza yang tak reti bersyukur. Tuhan dah bagi peluang sebulan, nak lebih.

Saya redha, cekal kan mental bagi dia pergi cari rezeki. It is all in your mind, Fi.

Basit, go and come home safely. There are hearts waiting for you.

First teachers in my life

Ibu and Ayah.

Ibu is a housewife, as she does everything. I don't know where she gets all her strength! She wakes up first and sleeps last. She will make sure every school and work attire is nicely ironed, meals are ready on time, home is clean everyday. She said she had to stop her education in primary school even though she was the smartest among her siblings, and one with highest ambition - a lawyer. It is not a reason for her to not checking ip our homework and helping is to finish it. She is a bless. She teaches me how to be a lady, through examples. I always want to be like her though I know I never be. :)

Ayah. He worked hard since he was young. His salary was so little. I could imagine how happy Ayah and Ibu when they manage to buy their first car after I was born. Ayah, despite his hard work never failed to prepare us with extra worksheets. He taught us Maths. He drew pictures and photocopied for Angah an I. So we spent mornings to do it together. Sometimes we read. We love it like that.

One of the reasons I want to get married is I want to share what I've been through with my kids. I want to be there for them, just like what my parents have done for three of us.

Ibu, Ayah, thank you.

I have moved on.

Flashback - I was dating the most charming boy of my school back in 2005. Blindly waiting for him for years, thinking he'd come back to me.

I finally fell in love with someone else in 2012.

Seven years to forget this guy. First love konon.

Now, this 2005 guy visits and helps my mom everyday at the laundry. And today he patted my head, pulled my ears as he did when we were an item.

And all that flashed in front of my eyes is Basit, the 2012 guy.

Now I am sure whose voice I wanna hear everyday, whose hands I wanna hold, whose hardships I wanna face with.

Basit.

Thank you, Chief. I owe you a lifetime, for bringing back my smiling eyes.

I meow you.

Kita pakai Kancil second hand buruk yang selalu rosak. Ye lah. Nak buat cemana kan. Pulak tu gegar gegar manjang. Tak smooth. Nak buat cenggane. Kita bukan berduit.

Nightmare during days?

Seriously you don't want to send wrong messages to your superior.

I accidentally did.

I sent: Syg, dah check in?

Haaa, betapa teruk bila sent that message to your boss when I was on leave.

Actually I asked him if he has checked in for his flight.

Thank you Tuan Haji Salleh for being so understanding.

KLIA - a twice-a-year visit.

Orang kanan kiri kata mengada nak ambik dia kat airport. Konon romantic drama la?

Ntah. Tu je lah moment ada nak bual-bual sambil mengadap muka. Chini kat Pahang tu tak dekat dengan Kota Tinggi Johor.

The best and probably the only thing I can do for him is to be there when he goes to work and be there when he comes home. So he will know there are hearts praying for his blessings at work and those hearts too, are waiting for him to be home safely.

Tak dapat bayangkan - kerja berhempas pulas enam bulan tak nampak rumah, balik je takde orang sambut.

Though we can't see each other throughout his a month leave, I don't feel bad. I know his condition and he knows my mine.

Rindu tu normal lah kan? :) Lagi lah kita dua jenis tak attach dengan phones all the time.

Believe it or not, we haven't gone out for a date (I mean, just two of us) even once.

We have friends and family to keep us company. Haaa, tak tau nak kata.

Let it be that way, hopefully. I actually wanna be it that way.

Farewell, 2012.

I couldn't list out achievements and failures I made in 2012. It was a tough year, I must say. Dragons won't go easy on you, don't they? ;)

Geared up to begin 2013? I always keep in mind that new year and my birthday that falls after are my very own holiday. I didn't get that privileges anymore. School started at 27th December 2012 for the teachers. I guess it's time to get out of my comfort zone?

I feel like a loser for not having any particular resolutions this year after achieving more than half of my resolutions in 2012. I have to say that I depend on Him. If it is my rezeki, it will be. :) I just wish to give more, contribute to my family more.

If I am allowed to make a wish, umrah with the whole family. That's it. :)

A date with him would be nice too. A quartet date with Ayah and Ibu, Angah and Nasaa, Apit and ??? would be perfect! Yezza, Sunway Lagoon!

I'm looking forward to the mysterious and unplanned 2013. ;)

2013, don't be nice. Be tough on me, so I'll grow stronger. Xoxo.