♥ readers ♥

Friday, October 5, 2012

My cubicle

Trying out posting an entry to blog via my iphone. Yeah, I know I'm outdated. :D

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

It's time to remember.

Baby sis, Nasaa and I paid a visit to his ma at the hospital weeks ago.
He told me this after I went home;

'Untunglah orang tu, ma ngan macik puji.
Peramah, sopan santun, hormat.

AND I was bragging about that to him
AND he was going ALL OUT to DENY that.

But the best part is...

'Orang lain tu isteri lagi tua 10 tahun, okay je'

Awwww, ma and macik I love you lah! haha!


Everyone should know that whenever times hit hard on you,
it is the best time to remember the good moments you had.

Well, that is one of the ways to look at it.
To let you stay strong and positive.

I love the 'positive' word. :)

I've been missing him a lot lately.
We can't send texts or talk.
Let alone meeting up each other.
I don't even know his coordinate right now.

So, the best way to feel his presence is to read his previous messages
and of course, to hold on to his thread necklace.

This is the best thing I can do at the moment.

Thursday, August 2, 2012



Basit, would you sing this song with all your heart content for me?

"Beyond The Sea"

Somewhere beyond the sea,
Somewhere waiting for me,
My lover stands on golden sands
And watches the ships that go sailing.

Somewhere beyond the sea
She's there watching for me.
If I could fly like birds on high
Then straight to her arms I'd go sailing

It's far beyond the star,
It's near beyond the moon.
I know beyond a doubt
My heart will lead me there soon

We'll meet beyond the shore
We'll kiss just as before
And happy we'll be beyond the sea
And never again I'll go sailing

I know beyond a doubt
My heart will lead me there soon
We'll meet, I know, we'll meet beyond the shore
We'll kiss just as before
And happy we will be beyond the sea
And never again I'll go sailing

No more sailing
So long, sailing, sailing, no more sailing

Good-bye, farewell my friend, no more sailing

So long sailing, no more sailing

No more, farewell...

No more sailing

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Sharing means LOVE.

Alhamdulillah, I finally received my 1st salary as a school teacher yesterday.
As I have planned, I'd like to buy things for my family.

And yesterday we went shopping! Geee~

I bought two comfy tees for ayah. I really love the colour!

I bought raya shoes for ibu. I hope the Bonia will bring her to good places!

Britney Spears' Midnight Fantasy perfume for angah. She loves the smell so much, I know it!

And a white 32GB Iphone 4s for apit.

Everyone is happy, especially ME :D
I worked hard and this is how to make me feel good.

They ask me what am I going to reward myself?

I have no idea yet.
But just now Azila (a TESLmate) made me think.
Masters is the best reward for myself.
And I want to do it somewhere I really want to go.

InsyaAllah, I will apply it next year.
Please, pray for me :)

The heart-tie

"When a child is born, he/she is a bless to the parents,
whereas when a child is adopted, the parents are a bless to the child"

Gol & Gincu

I wonder what makes you so determined to leave the house.
You have gone through grave hours with them before,
and now you want to leave everything behind?

Khaleesya cried for an hour till she fell asleep,
just to wait for you.

What has gotten into you?
Mama, Allah won't like this.

You took Khaleesya on your own willingness.
No one forced you to do so.
She is your responsibility.

How can you forget that...

Friday, July 27, 2012

Well, Titanic sinks

As much as I didn't expect that I would end this beautiful relationship,
I am always ready for any bad circumstances.

I said to myself that night when I met him before he went for sailing,
'Fi, you can enjoy this candy feeling but don't put too much hope.'

That made me decide to let him meet my parents later.
Thank God to whisper that to my heart!

I actually was confident with him and myself.
I know, distance won't harm us.

But I forgot there were girls before me,
who now can see he is some useful guy.

Some body told me to fight to get him.
FYI, that kinda spirit has gone dead.
I've used it all for my previous guy.

If you love enough, you'd fight to get him back!
Naah, I love him so I let him choose happiness as he defined.

Dear Basit, no one wants to be the second choice.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

I need a timeout.

Today I feel a lot better.
Yet, then I think I shouldn't be compromised with him.

I wanted to leave him, that's what I thought.
But at the same time,
I don't want him to live his previous life.

I'm so confused.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Titanic VII

We had the worst row last night.
Up to now.

I just hate it when someone brings up the sex stuff.
Men, what do you expect Apis?

I don't know.
He never acted like that before.
Before his ex-girlfriend comes to the picture.

I don't know.
I admit that we love to give each other virtual hugs and kisses.
Especially when one of us feels so wrong that day.

Despite we were having great war,
he said to me,
'Thank you sebab banyak ajar saya,
banyak buat saya sabar'

Basit, please don't be angry at me :'(

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Titanic VI

My love is not based on lust.

So if I don't give you what you want,
don't you dare to doubt my love.

Faham tak?

Titanic V

Since I'm afraid that people out there will find me gross
for telling too many things about him, so I decided to
make a journal for him. I basically write whatever I want to
tell him. He loves to listen to stories. I hope he'll enjoy my effort.

Actually I want him to get to know people around me through my
own writing. I will write every detail so that he could imagine and feel.
I put their photos and stories. I want him to be a part of this too.
On the other hand, I want him to know that I have several
male best friends who I won't leave behind.
I want him to know so that he'd understand.

Anyway, I enjoy writing love letters and journals.
I always wanted to do this.

Thank you to Basit who makes this possible.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Titanic IV

Ayah asked about him.

How long he'll be away?
What vessel he boards?
How he looks like?

I never saw my dad been so curious.
Yeah, previously I never hid my friends.
I welcomed them home.
Maybe this time I just feel unprepared.

Or maybe, my dad is so curious since I am
dating someone at the moment.
He once asked me,
'Along tak keluar pi dating ke mcm angah?'

I laughed. He is concerned.
Takut anak dara dia tak laku.

And, I told him that my dad asked about him.
NOW he IS nervous!
He never met any of his girlfriends' parents before.
He also said I'm the first lady that he brings to meet his family.
(I told him, that is romantic and he said a big fat NO, he is just being nice to me).

Though he is nervous, he sent his salam to my parents.
I didn't tell my parents yet.
I AM nervous.
And he said, he'll pay a visit to them later. :)

Titanic III

I've been a sane girl for years.
I still remember when I was 19, I had this crazy mind.
I went to Kedah alone by bus just to meet my boyfriend.
I mean, I tried to make it up with him.
He had a new girl friend at that time, so I thought I wanted to fight for it.

I lie if I say I don't feel stupid about it.
But on the other hand I told myself,
'Apis, you have tried your best for the relationship. SO, no regrets.'

I face days without a boyfriend for years.
I am truly blessed with good girl friends.
They keep me alive.
I envy them sometimes for having boyfriends to rely on.
To share stories.
To paint future.

Yet, I don't rush with this matter.
Now I can't hardly believe that I'm in love.
I encountered few flirtatious relationships but
I don't want that, for sure.

So  last Saturday. I was 19 again.
I decided to go to KL to meet him in less than 30 minutes.
But this time, it is more meaningful because I have my family with me.
Don't get it wrong. My parents didn't show up in front of him.
We are not ready for that.
Let him come to our home, let him make the move.
He wanted to meet my parents as a man who possesses a job, I think?

We spent two hours double-dating.
Angah and her boyfie Nasaa.
Him and me.
We just talked and looked around KL.
I love the presence of everyone
that I wish we could be family, real family one day.

Basit, I miss you already. :')

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Titanic II

10 Things I Hate About Him

1. His sincerity in expressing his thoughts and feelings. - I know the dark side of him.
2. The fact that he told me he likes me. - If he didn't, I wouldn't have known and I don't have to suffer this!
3. His ability to act mature despite his young age. - The 30-year-old soul stuck in him :p
4. His fierce attitude. Just like an army. - Garang macam rimau.
5. His short texts and messages. - He said he is no romantic guy.
6. When he gave romantic signs that I didn't notice. - "Kalau sudi datanglah tengok ma"
7. His no empty promises. He is no sweet talker. - Tak boleh datang JB, takdop duit.
8. His understanding. - Takyah anta, nanti jumpa 5 minit je. Tak berbaloi.
9. The way he encourages me when I face problems. - Tak malu nangis!
10. His homey home and family. - His welcoming ma, the gangster abah, the three brothers, and macik.

I know I will be writing a lot about this fellow in these coming months.
I couldn't say any of these to him.
I'd show my ugly face.
How is he going to survive and enjoy his work if I do such things?

I know I'm going to miss him for he's leaving for good.
He is leaving for good.
He is leaving for good.

Japan, please be nice to him.
Ocean, please be nice to him.
Ya Allah, have him under your protection and bless.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Titanic I

He is leaving for Japan next weekend.
He is leaving for good, InsyaAllah.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

She's the one.

Have you ever thought that you are the least selfish person living?
I always think that I am considerate enough.
I think about what others might think, their acceptance,
their circumstances, constraints they might face.
Without knowing that someone who is real close to me,
is far better than me.

That special person is actually my mom.

It happened few weeks back when I was strolling around
the night market. I went with her to find some food.
before we went to the night market, she was actually got upset
because Angah was not home yet. My mom always wants
Angah to drive her everywhere. I am always the second choice.
I'm used to that, I don't mind at all. :)

Back to our story, my mom was real upset. Yet, she
searched for food and drinks Angah might want to eat!
If I were my mom, I won't even think about Angah anymore.

How I wish to have such a pure heart.
How I wish to be the least selfish person on earth.

Albom taught me that, our lives are inter-related with one another,
either we notice it or not. That ideology made me think to
be a good person, someone who doesn't bring burden or cause
bad things. I wish to be a lucky charm to others or at least
someone who brings positive vibes around.

I am so pleased and grateful to have such a mother.
She puts us before her own desires.
She makes us as her priority.

If one day I get the opportunity to be a mother,
I want to the best, for I learn from the best. ;)

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Is it too much to ask?

I've died everyday waiting for you...

I dedicate this song especially to the Baitulmal Institution at Cheras.
I've been longing to hear from them and finally they called me this morning
to attend the interview!!!

*jump jump jump*

Honestly, I'm looking forward for this.
I wanted to be a permanent English lecturer.
But yes, obstacles here and there.
Indecisive, as usual.

Now I am actually good as a secondary school English teacher.
Good salary, living under one roof with my parents.
Everything is prepared for me.

But then again, as a normal human who does not know
how to be grateful, I wanted more in life.

I want to do something that I am passionate about.
I want the satisfaction in teaching.

Is it too much to ask?

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Bon voyage, seafarers!

This love at the first sight happened on 21st November 2011.
Chose to be the mommy for Deck ratings, I never love Engine ratings the less.
I bet Sir Afiq, the father for Engine ratings, feels the same too. :)

Those Deck ratings had to face me 6 hours each day.
I couldn't imagine, how difficult it was for them.
As the one who stood in front, I could see different moods and expressions.
Negative and positive ones, for sure.
But today I want to remember the good ones.

I could see effort.
I could see perseverance.
I could see passion.

After a month, then only I stepped into Engine ratings class.
Got to know them, learned with them.
All thanks to lovely Maizura!

Yesterday, 19th of May 2012, was their graduation day.
A day to celebrate their own selves, their efforts and success.

With that, Maizura and I had presented fresh red roses for our 90 seafarers.
We wrote a simple note for everyone.
We did everything, with love.

The red roses mean, 
sayangku takkan layu!

I also had chosen another 10 fresh pink roses to be given to
those who left significant marks in my heart.

One is for Fuad, sahabat dunia akhirat.
One is for Jen, awak sentiasa buat saya rasa selamat.
One is for Syafiq, my positive vibe.
One is for Fahmi, anak paling dekat dengan hati.
One is for Izzat, untuk jurnal yang jujur.

One for Fizi, you made me see a different dimension of this life.
One for Man, the most responsible man I ever met.
One is for Hafiz, I see a hero in him.
One is for Faiz, I owe you an apology.
One is for Basit, my very own kekasih hati.

I couldn't take many photos during the ceremony since we were FORCED to sit with the VIPs. You were not allowed to move around - what a silly protocol.

And last night, I didn't take photos too when I sent my kids at Melaka Central.
Yet, I have recorded memory of that night in my heart.
Thank you for the nasi ayam, karaOK session,
McFlurry Oreo, the handshakes and tears :')

Sunday, April 8, 2012

You gradually get over the pain of breakup.
It doesn't go away, not for a long time,
but it becomes easier to live with.
One morning you wake up and
he's not the first thing on your mind.
And then a few months down the line,
you realize you've made it through
half of the day without thinking of him.

Sometimes it takes months, sometimes years,
but eventually you reach a point when you only
think about them occasionally.

You manage to do this because you don't see them,
you don't hear them, you try not to think about them.

- Jane Green, Straight Talking

Sunday, February 12, 2012

A young gentleman managed to make me forget my previous failed relationship.

If my ex-boyfriend was a magic, then what is he then?

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Happy Belated Birthday to myself :)

Alhamdullilah, I'm 24 now.

I celebrated my birthday very modestly.
We had family dinner at Senibong, a floating seafood restaurant.

More meaningful, that night we set free two lanterns.
I love lanterns.

And, there was a guy basking with his guitar.
Perfect night.

Turning 24, I made few promises to myself.
And may be, to some important people in my life.

1. I want to start moving on in my love life. I am no scared anymore to
lose my first unhappy relationship.

2. I want to learn new things. Planning to learn tailoring.

3. Of course, masters!

4. A holiday with my own self.

We will see how this list goes?

Friday, January 13, 2012

Teaching Boy Mermaids Book 2

Can you see the white ship over there?
We kayaked from the shore and went AROUND the ship.
I didn't know how I managed NOT TO JUMP into the sea.

This is the place 'we' saw the first sunset.
The sunset was beautiful.
The person who was with me makes it more meaningful.

I have my own memory here.

Teaching Boy Mermaids Book 1

This has been the early breakfast for my eyes for these two months.
Let me bring you around to my favorite workplace,

Akademi Laut Malaysia (ALAM)
Malaysia Maritime Academy

This is the library. We called it Resource Center.

This is our small humble office.

I first thought this is a cable car! Yes, it is helicopter simulator!
There is a big and deep swimming pool to train students.

Last but of course, never the least favorite, our very own
Promenade. I don't think Maldives can beat it.